sometimes my lies get to a point where i get mad when people dont believe me
me: i want something very short and small and cutesy but most importantly body safe and discreet
sex toy companies: try the DEVASTATOR SEVENTY THREE INCHES OF PURE JELLY RUBBER HYPER REALISTIC VEINS WE SHOWED IT TO A NUN ONCE AND SHE BURST INTO FLAMES THERE’S ONLY ONE SETTING: DEVASTATION THE VIBRATIONS CAUSED AN EARTHQUAKE MILLIONS ARE DEAD
"You drink like you have to forget something."
The saddest shit ever said. (via dvadeset-sedmi-august)